So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
