To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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