You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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