fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
