he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
