my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
