So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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