just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
