I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
