You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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