i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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