I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
