Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
