Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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