I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize