The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
