U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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