If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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