so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
