I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
