it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
