i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
