I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize