so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
