READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
