She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize