FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
