do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Its about making memories worth repressing
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
