How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
