Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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