Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
