I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
