She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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