So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
