Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
