new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize