His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
