He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
