I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize