he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
