Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
