Cold hands, warm shart.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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