He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
