last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
