On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
