I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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