It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
