His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
