When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
