I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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