Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
In America we eat man semen.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
