Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
