Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
