its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You made out with two different species that night
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
