I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
