fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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