Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
