When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We smell like vodka and hangover
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
