You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I still have a little drunk in my system
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
