god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
