how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
