i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I queefed so loud it echoed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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