Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
