no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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