So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
