I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
