if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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