I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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