I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
