Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She announced her abortion via fbk
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
