Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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