I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
