My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
