It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
