We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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