My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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