Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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